Chile Brings Out the Genius in Me

The summer before last, a friend I've known my whole life stayed in our house because he was working on campus that summer. Now, I would consider myself near the far right of the evolution of man sequence, but because Brian and I spent so much time together that summer and next two semesters as roommates, he was the main audience to all the idiotic things I do that would make my parents scratch their hands, baffled that common sense had to fight its way through such a thick skull. Whether is was putting on a rain jacket before remembering I was just going to the shower, placing an empty bowl in the microwave, losing my fishing rod in a tree branch on shore, or flipping over the front of my bike because I was trying to juggle a soccer ball and steer at the same time, Brian developed a simple accusation that fit the act: "that's the stupidest thing I've seen you do!"

This post is mainly about mind lapses, brain farts, or whatever you want to call them. And since every new lapse was the 'stupidest', I feel like I might have upped the ante with these two.


To preview, I approve of the amount of time Chileans elect to take off to celebrate their independence. For the fourth of July we get maybe a day off extra in the states, but in Chile no less than a full week is required to celebrate the 18th of September. Given such a block of free time, we gringos decided to hit the road south to Pucon!

Filled with mountains, wooded trails, ski lodges and coffee shops, Pucon emanates Colorado-like vibes from each breath of fresh air to each drink of clean spring water. We kept ourselves pretty busy in this active town. We went hydrospeeding which is pretty much boogie boarding down rapids. And contrary to popular belief, wetsuits do not keep one dry or warm, but are merely uncomfortably tight rubber suits that are impossible to put on or take off alone. We also rode horses up a mountain with a Mapuche guide, the Mapuche being the indigenous people of that region. He explained to us how the Mapuche view modern religion as mostly a political tool for colonization because it has disturbed the eco-spirituality that is the basis of their faith. It was a new of thinking that we rarely hear, and after our traditional lunch, I could feel myself becoming a little more Mapuche myself! Hot springs were also involved in this weekend, and it occurred to me that since I was on crutches all summer, it was the first time I had submerged myself in a body of water in over a year! I hope that length of time never comes to pass again.

A day of biking was also on our Pucon menu. We rented bikes with a the plan to find our way out of the main drag and out into the country to some waterfalls into a nearby lake. With the less than ideal equipment we rented, I was just hoping we would all come back in one piece. These hopes indeed came to fruition. But no thanks to yours truly, as apparently without a sibling, parent or girlfriend here to smack me when I do something stupid, I let my guard down and decided I would hop the curb when we stopped for a bathroom break.

Do we all remember Gandalf's depressed face when Frodo volunteered himself to take the ring to Mordor? That was my face and the face of those few reading these words when, after such a daring act as to jump a 5 inch curb, the air hissed out of my tires faster than you can say "that'sthestupidestthingI'veseenyoudo!" But as my older brother will attest to after an upbringing of losing to me in various games of chance, I seem to be the luckiest piece of crap on the planet. For just as I was internally kicking myself in the groin for being so stupid (which really was only necessary internally as our bike seats took care of it externally), I noticed a trio of Germans on the side of the road who had the same exact problem with the same exact curb. But the lady at the bike shop seemed to approve of them over the gringos, as they were fully equipped with more than enough patches to go around.

So after a mere twenty minutes and much patience tried on the part of my fellow bikers, we were on our way yet again and enjoyed a glorious day on the waterfront. Except for we never found the waterfalls or glistening lake, but instead a random river below an eerie abandoned shack. I guess precise decision-making is contagious, so you're welcome.


Not only is it contagious, but the effects seemed to linger.
On the day that most in our group headed back to Viña, my friend Craig and I headed even further south. Our plan was to make it to an island called Chiloé, just off Chile's coast. This meant another long bus ride first to the mainland city closest to the island, Puerto Montt.

Having purchased these bus tickets long in advance, I made sure to get my times right. So when the lady at the bus terminal said the bus would arrive in P. Montt at ten, I thought I was in for a marathon night as my ticket said "departure, 16:10." I'm not sure where I went wrong the most, if it was in failing to find a map and determine just how far Pucon was from Puerto Montt, or if it was in mistaking the time of arrival for ten a.m. All I know is that when Craig and I set foot in an unknown city at the same time temperatures were nearing freezing (that's right, it's not all sun and beaches here, it's barely even spring!), we were prepared to either find a bar and stay up all night, or slum it old school or Tom Hanks style and sleep in the terminal.

However, when a exhausted and zombie looking strange lady offered us a room at her house, we ultimately decided to take the much safer option C, agreeing to get into a stranger's car in the middle of the night in a foreign country to pay to stay at her house overnight. Yet again, Mom and Pops, I make you proud with my demonstration of everything I was taught growing up. Don't get me wrong, we were not naive to the stupidity of what we were doing. In fact, we were practically betting on who would be murdered first. But, surprisingly we did in fact wake up the next morning, making sure to get the hell out of there before anythingone else woke up and headed for Chiloé!

JJ